#<- their ass not 2 years ago was saying how they don't consider themselves a visual artist at all lmfao

[megid0nt]

god I cannot wait to get paid

[kaliforniahigh]

casual - n.s.

Inspired by the song Casual by Chappell Roan. Noah is your friend but not your best friend if you know what I mean.

Warnings: angst, Noah is kind of an ass, sad thoughts, neither one of them know how to express themselves and deal with ~feelings~, curse words.

WC: 1.677

Part 2.

My friends call me a loser 'Cause I'm still hanging around I've heard so many rumors That I'm just a girl that you bang on your couch

You were used to the title of "friend". You were friends with the band. You met Nick first, some years ago and he introduced you to everyone else, and after that, where everyone was, you weren't far behind.

You graduated with a degree in photography a couple of years ago, and when the chance of touring with the band and learn from Bryan was presented to you, you couldn't refuse. Who would?

You don't exactly remember when things changed so drastically. Granted, you couldn't call Noah your best friend, but you talked to him everyday, you joked around together and even had a secret sign whenever you were at a party, to tell the other one of you was feeling a little overwhelmed, and was going to step out for a bit.

Looking back at it now, you realized these moments only held significance to you. You thought back to the night everything changed. How he was talking to you so smoothly, how he looked you in the eye and payed attention to every word you were saying, how his hands touched your thighs and finally, how he asked you if you wanted to get out of there and maybe go up to his room.

You also remembered how he asked you to leave not even 15 minutes after you were done, how he laid there scrolling on his phone as you gathered your clothes and put them back on, saying goodbye but not sticking around to hear his response. Pain clawed at your chest, but you pushed it down.

So when it happened again at a house party they were throwing, you left before he had to tell you. You told yourself you could do this, you liked him as a friend and not as something more. Besides, you were having fun and he was good, and by the way he was the one seeking you out everytime, you figured he felt the same.

You just didn't consider the fact that you were totally not the only one he was having sex with. Because right now, you were sat at a table at a bar the boys saw not too far away from the venue they were playing at, deciding that a night of drinking was in the cards to commemorate the sucess of the tour so far. And he was at the bar chatting up a pretty blonde. You wanted to know if he was telling her the same things he told you that first time.

"Looks like someone is getting lucky tonight, huh?" Nick sat down next to you, nodding towards Noah and the pretty blonde.

"Looks like it", you acted nonchalant, if any of the boys knew about this thing going on between the two of you, none of them mentioned anything. "He does this often?", you asked him, fishing for information. You had the priviledge of this being the first tour you were embarking on from beggining to end, so no one really thought anything more of your questions.

"Only when we have a hotel room. Can't really do much on a tour bus, you know?", you hummed in agreement, Nick said he was getting more drinks and excused himself.

Later that night, Noah left early (with the pretty blonde) and you went to bed alone.

I thought you thought of me better Someone you couldn't lose

So you decided to do what you did best: distance yourself from him. Every night, you always showed the boys the pictures you'd taken on your camera. Now you told them you wanted to wait until you edited them. You just didn't want anyone to notice you started taking less and less photos of Noah.

Nights out also became less frequent, but everyone just thought the exhaustion of being on tour was finally catching up to you. You didn't bother giving them any other explanation. You had to remind yourself that you were here working, this was your job and you were not gonna let him distract you from that.

You were currently working on some photographs you took on the previous nights, the chatter on the tour bus filling the space. You saw a can of White Claw appear in your field of vision. You didn't have to look up to see that Noah was handing it to you.

You took it from his hand and thanked him, popping it open.

"Is everything good?", he questioned you. He was used to you asking him to sit down, sometimes he would even observe you working because he found it just so relaxing. This time, you barely aknowledged him, just taking the beverage from his hand and going back to work.

"Yeah, just concentrated, you know?", you said, not diverting your eyes from your screen. He thought it was weird, but if you didn't want to talk about it, he wasn't gonna push you. He observed you for the rest of the night.

You honestly didn't know what you expected. For him to take your hands in his and tell you how concerned he was about your sudden distance? For him to notice you were hurting from the decision you made yourself? How much you didn't want to accept that you were like the other girls he banged on a weekly basis? Deep down you knew there was no way for him to know those things if you didn't communicate with him. But he acted like he already forgot what happened, you didn't want to be the one hung up on something that is never going to evolve.

You said, "We're not together" So now when we kiss, I have anger issues

The guys played a festival today. The atmosphere was so different and exciting that it actually took your mind off of things. You met so many other professionals and exchanged so many experiences.

You were talking to Liam backstage as the boys were getting ready to go on stage. You noticed he used a camera different from yours and was excitedly asking him all kinds of information. You were interested in modifying your set up and try other things.

He showed you some pictures he took from earlier in the day and explained to you all the different settings and how he liked to adjust them. You were so distracted that you didn't notice Noah coming up behind you.

"We'll be up in 5 minutes", he told you, startling you quite a bit.

"Ok, I'll take my spot shortly", he nodded, but said nothing else, walking back to the band, the boys going over some last-minute details.

You found it weird, no one ever had to tell you what time you had to do your job, because you know. You decided to exhange numbers with Liam so you could continue this conversation later. You grabbed his phone and started to type your number.

"C'mon, Y/N", you heard Noah again, his behavior starting to piss you off. You signaled for him to wait.

"You're gonna be late, we're going on stage now", he wouldn't leave you alone. You handed Liam's phone back to him and bid him goodbye.

"What the hell are you on my ass about? I know what time I have to do my job, you don't have to remind me", you didn't wait for a response, grabbing your equipment and making your way to side stage.

The interaction put you in a sour mood for the rest of the day and everyone noticed. Your smiley and excited self was now gone, your face serious as you kept your conversation with other people short.

With the festival ending, you made your way to the tour bus, as you waited for the equipment to be loaded so everyone can hit the road again.

Noah was the first one to be back, as he took a seat in front of you. Both of you stayed silent until he decided to speak up.

"Seems like you and Liam were having a pretty good conversation", he noted, not looking at you, picking on a loose strand from his sweatpants.

"Yeah, he was pretty attentive", you responded, not knowing where he wanted to go with this conversation and why Liam was relevant.

"Oh, I bet he was", he let out a low chuckle.

"Yes, he was. Is there anything wrong about a professional conversation?", you crossed your arms in front of you, getting a little bit defensive.

"Professional conversation? Please, tell me you're not this dense", you were in disbelief, catching on to where this conversation was headed. "You honestly didn't notice that this guy is just trying to get in your pants?"

"Please, Noah. Don't compare every man to your shitty self", you scoffed, getting up to leave.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?", he got up after you and you could feel his presence on your back. You turned around to face him.

"Didn't you do just that to get in my pants not too long ago?", your eyes were fierce and held a fire to them.

"Oh, so that is what this is about?"

"I don't know, is it? You're the one who all of a sudden came here telling me who wants to get in my pants", you needed him to enlighten you, because you had sex twice and not even once he came looking for you to talk about it.

"I just thought you wouldn't be so easy", your opened your mouth in shock at his words. Surely this can't be the same person you knew.

"So now you're calling me a whore as well? You weren't complaining about how easy I was when I was sucking you dick"

"That is not what I said", he tried to defend himself.

"Well you might as well have", there was a pause in conversation, but you weren't planning on letting him say anything else. "I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. Just because we fucked twice doesn't mean you have a say in who I can involve myself with. Besides, you're the one who takes girls to your room every week. So please, spare me hypocrisy"

You turned around and left for good now.

Part 2 maybe???

[rxzennia]

On Aventurine's Cooperative Eidolons

– an unprofessional dissection

✎𓂃 Namely E1 (Prisoner's Dilemma) and E6 (Stag Hunt Game). I don't doubt that this could just be pure coincidence, but this is Hoyo we're talking about. Properly capitalized work on my blog? More likely than you think. I am not eloquent enough for this. On a side note, I got a deep ass papercut from trying to dig through my bag a while ago, then I hurt the base of my finger 'cause I smacked it into a drawer. Ouch.

Context

See the Etymology section of Aventurine's trivia on the Wiki. There are further Wikipedia links to everything for all you nerds out there (I'm one of them, don't worry). This Reddit post is also good enough, methinks.

If you don't want to read all that, here's the TL;DR:

Prisoner's Dilemma has prisoners A and B who committed, say, arson together. They're interrogated separately (i.e., no communication between them), and there are four outcomes – if neither of them confess (both serve 0 years), if A confesses and B doesn't (and vice versa – whoever doesn't confess serves 20 years), and if they both confess (both serve 10 years). The best individual outcome for each side, then, is to snitch ("defect").

Stag Hunt Game has hunters C and D who must decide whether to hunt a rabbit or a stag with no knowledge of the other's decision. The stag will feed them for a week, and the rabbit will feed them for 2 days. To hunt the stag, they must work together. Otherwise, it could end in three ways: D goes for the stag (D will then starve) and C goes after the rabbit to feed themselves (and the other way around), or both C and D go for the rabbit and each respectively gain 2 days' worth of food. Both hunters are, therefore, more likely to cooperate to get the best outcome (the stag).

On Aventurine's Cooperative Eidolons

What catches my eye is how these two are sequenced. With the Prisoner's Dilemma at E1, and then through E2 to 5 until Stag Hunt Game appears in E6, it's more than just a representation of Aventurine's life up to this point. I wonder if this is a reflection of how his beliefs have changed, or if it's a reflection of what the individual departments of the IPC means to him, or if it's both.

As that Reddit post has already said, the PD applies to Aventurine and his owner. However, if we consider the game as between him and the IPC (or specifically the Marketing Development Department in this case), then the PD takes on a completely different meaning. When the Second Katica-Avgin Extinction Event took place, the Avgins were expecting the IPC to come to their aid, so they went ahead with the festivities on the day of Kakava. This was the worst possible outcome for the Avgins, and honestly I think I died a little inside when I came to this realization halfway through writing this. Sure, it's uncertain if the Avgins would've called off the festival were they aware of the IPC's plan, but I think that's just a bandaid on a broken bone.

The Avgin clan cooperated, and the IPC defected. The IPC acquired the optimal outcome – they effectively ensured the elimination of the Avgins and the Katicans from the politics in Sigonia – while the Avgin clan found themselves facing extinction. While there has been communication between the IPC and the Avgin, it's untrustworthy communication – basically equivalent to having no communication (the PD may still hold when there is communication, granted that it is ineffective; for explanations see here). Logically speaking, the Avgin clan should know this; the IPC did have an indirect hand in their banishment to the desert, which would then be reasonable to say that the IPC has no interest in resolving the enmity between Avgins and Katicans. The rational action here for the Avgins, then, would be to defect as well, but this isn't a world where every player is rational.

What all of this implies is that in such a situation, where a rational player in the Avgins' position would choose to defect, the Avgins in the story chose to bet on that non-existent chance of cooperation in a Prisoner's Dilemma. How desperate must they be to take that chance in cooperation, to wilfully ignore all the signs that point to defection by the IPC?

If you hear sobbing in the distance, you'd better join me. Well played, Hoyo. Well played. Okay, let's move on.

A Prisoner's Dilemma (PD) can become a Stag Hunt (SH) through eliminating the factors that contribute to the "every man for himself" sentiment in the PD. Suppose there is a scenario where the PD applies. What makes both sides equally wary of the other, and what prevents them from working together as they would've in a SH? Uncertainty. Incomplete information and trustworthiness – if you don't know what move the other side is going to make, you have to look for the best move for your situation.

In the real world, incomplete information is generally addressed by institutions. Information is made transparent by various institutions at various levels so that there is less guesswork for the players in the dilemma. It reminds me of the IPC Strategic Investment Department, since they are providing information for Aventurine to make decisions for his next move, and simultaneously trade information with the Marketing Development Department. It's less that they do it willingly, but because they're both departments under the IPC, there is a certain level of transparency between them. 

Trustworthiness is essentially how one convinces others of their intentions. How else can anyone look at your past actions and determine that you're likely to cooperate if you have nothing vouching for you? Aventurine went from being a slave to a Stoneheart, and so with his current position and connections comes a certain degree of trustworthiness. Therefore, the IPC, too, have to honor deals made with him, as they have an image to maintain to everyone else in the cosmos – all because of Aventurine's position. It's a real shame that only now that the Marketing Development Department can't walk all over him again. A real shame.

By E6, Aventurine is playing the Stag Hunt Game, as opposed to the Prisoner's Dilemma. Is he collaborating with the Strategic Investment Department to achieve some mutual goal, where both will benefit? Hell, is he playing the Stag Hunt with the Astral Express, too? What is his desired outcome, then? 

If we look at this in terms of how Aventurine's beliefs have changed, he's gone from a lone player to someone with a lot of cards. He's intentionally put himself in a position where cooperation becomes worthwhile, thus ensuring his interactions all fall under the "Stag Hunt" category. This doesn't mean that his life is free from betrayal, given how he seems to expect the dirtiest tactics in the execution of an interaction; rather, he expects that the outcome of any action would bring him a net benefit that offsets the price of being betrayed. 

This means he's learned from the Second Katica-Avgin Extinction Event, where the defection of one player and the cooperation of the other resulted in the optimal outcome for the defector at the expense of the cooperator. I'd like to think he is where he is now because he wants to be well equipped to turn any future interactions that would land him in a PD into a SH; he sees the value in cooperation, the benefit of being able to play his cards with the expectation that his opponent would play into the outcome he wants because of a shared goal. 

If we examine this as two distinct interactions with the IPC departments, we have the Prisoner's Dilemma and the Marketing Development Department on one hand, and the Stag Hunt and the Strategic Investment Department on the other. This interpretation brings up a very familiar notion: Aventurine and the Marketing Development Department are never going to get along. With the PD, there is no way both sides would cooperate, and so there we have it. Even if Aventurine doesn't know about the role that the Department played in Sigonia (as there is no canon confirmation as of yet), he isn't going to get along with them as someone of the Strategic Investment Department. True to the political climate within the IPC, there is barely any trust, nor any expectation to cooperate beyond what is absolutely necessary.

Aventurine's association with the Strategic Investment Department is a SH game in and of itself. Diamond gets a new Stoneheart, and Aventurine gets to live. I have no doubt that he manipulates every mission into a SH situation by revealing just enough of his cards; it's highly unlikely that he's able to achieve the Department's goals with no assistance. 

Overall, well… This goober is still living in my head rent free. Thanks, Hoyo.

[nooradeservedbetter]

I know you write bl but please do not defend Emma. She is known in our fandom as a transphobic asshole. She has been openly transphobic to harries and larries because they think Harry MIGHT be trans. She is also homophobic with how she as a cis het white woman thinks she has more say in how a gay fandom needs to operate. There are years worth of receipts of this. She harassed my friend because they tagged Harry as a princess on their own blog and tried to call them homophobic for doing so. Im mutuals with authors who had to drop out of the bl fest for personal reasons, and then Emma and her friends started harassing them for joining a non bl fest months later. You should see how former blouie authors are treated by her after they dont write exclusively bl fics anymore. The reason BLP is not well liked in fandom is because of her. There is literally a top Harry fic fest run by an actual trans person and much more supported by larries. Louis bottoming isn't the issue. For years blouies have made that their only personality and harassed and sent so many larries death threats (me included) because we blog on our own blogs about Harry wanting to be pregnant or singing about sucking dick or anything that doesn't make him "a top". Blouies have ruined themselves for their entire fandom and that anon is a perfect example of how they are.

Whew anon.

Okay, thank you for the ask and the respectful tone, I will try to maintain a respectful tone right back.

I don't exclusively write bl, I like to think I write fics where Louis gets taken care of one way or another. By bottoming, by subbing, by being cuddled; rn I have 2 smut fics, both of them sub Louis, one of them is them being vers (i.e. penetrating each other), the other *can* be considered bl, I did tag it as such, but the only penetration that happens is two lines of cockwarming. My current unpublished fics and ideas are:

The a/b/o fic fest that is Omega Louis/bl but has references to bh;

Exploring the idea of topping from the bottom: i have a petplay sub Harry fic that's half-written, currently plotting a vaguely Dom transrry fic. First one will be Dom!bl, second one Dom!bh. Might have a third one, but I still haven't decided;

The blff, I mean that's the name of;

The 1d fantasy fic fest that will be both vers and switch but it's darkfic so I don't think that's a great example to have here tbh lmao.

Okay, that said.

I did have run-ins with Emma back in the day; idk if you were there in 2015/16, but I have a whole tag where I actively fought people on Harry's possible gender identity, together with Angela and Jay (godspeed to both of them, they're much happier now believe me). It's been 8 years, I don't know what Emma is doing right now, besides managing the blff, and I don't know how she changed in eight years; eight years ago I was a staunch anarchist, and look at me now. You can come off anon and send me anything you might see fit, that would actually be great, and it would give me something to operate on. And on that point, I don't--think? That telling someone "hey yo instead of sending anon hate go and support the people who write/rec the fics you wanna read" is defending anyone? But it's understandable that if she's currently harassing people, that's a knee-jerk reaction.

Then to address your points about Louis bottoming... Again, I'm not sure, like. Feels a bit like you're barking at the wrong tree? One of my favourite smut authors is devilinmybrain (oh my god that 5+1 gross-hot fic nnnn) and I read, and to some extent write, quite happily everything as long as it's good. Like, both of them canonically have a prostate. It's a shame if they never use it. And Harry being feminine has nothing to do with Harry bottoming (or topping ;) of course), but this is something that needs its own post to be expanded.

With that long-ass rant in that post I wanted to make another point, and that point was directed to some of the reblogs, and that point was: stop wokeifying the gay community, because you--general you--will have a stroke if you ever go to a gay bar one day.

I won't reiterate the stuff I said there, but that should have been the main takeaway, not that I prefer writing bl or bh. I don't consider myself a blouie, by virtue of the fact that not only I read and write whatever, but also because I genuinely don't agree with a lot of the, like, ideological stances. On smut. I could talk about what hardcore bl/sh do and say probably all day, and Raf/Niv know what I'm talking about because they're usually the ones I fill with audios, but this post is already really long.

[jangyeevns]

sorry if this is old new also u don’t have to post this but one of my first discord rp experiences was w zelda & fleur and they literally made me feel like a villain for a whole month bc of their lack of communication + blocking me but then fleur unblocked me and kept joining my rps (to snoop and vaguely try to plot and act like nothing ever happened) so i’m glad u and others have been saying stuff cuz these people seriously made me feel like a menace to the rpc 💀

i'm definitely gonna answer because when don't i have something to say? LMAO

i can't speak to the zelda claims that have circulated since i've never interacted with them myself, so this is strictly an issue with fleur for me. i wasn't villainized until i got in the way of one of her potential endgames for her muse, in fact we were friends beforehand, but i look back on what we would talk about and can only feel pure disgust because i was a villain then, at least in my mind.

what was said at that time will never see the light of day because i ( and the other mun she befriended in our three way dm ) deeply regret fuelling her spite, jealousy and manipulative bullshit and don't care to have her use any receipts i have to suit her narrative or harass these muns even further, and i hate having the knowledge that i allowed her any influence over my judgment of others, over a lot of things actually. it’s not something i have to disclose necessarily as most would hate to put themselves in a negative light, but it’s to show not only accountability for what i myself participated in ( it was giving mean girls 2 vibes . calling it the og would inflate someone’s ego i’m sure ), but also that i have been on more than one side of fleur's fury and don't care to have others deal with it, end of.

... except not, because this is gonna be a whole rant FJSKGKDK

you are most definitely NOT a villain if fleur of all people claimed that you were back then, when she was in a position of authority and has famously used being an admin to her abusive advantage. i'm so sorry you've been on the receiving end of her god awful behaviour, but you're in pretty great company if i do say so myself 💅🏻 i can imagine it's difficult for anyone with that kind of history with another mun to have them in their own groups time and time again, especially when her behaviour has never strayed from the basic m.o. she's outed herself for ( by being a pathological liar in Everyone's dms ), but i hope this allows people to take a step back and consider the possible façade those like fleur will don to gain the attention and approval they so desperately crave.

at this point, receipts aren't necessary for me to believe someone, because i know what i've been through and my truth, as well as the experiences of a handful of other muns that correlate to everything that's been discussed this week – most of it we discussed months ago, so it tells you how easily you can find people in the community who've had a fucking bizarre encounter with her and how insane it is that it took this long to bring it into a more public space. you are valid, your stance is more than justified and if you get rude ass anons for deciding to call her ass out? don't mind her sheep ( and fleur disguising herself as one ), they don't know any better even at their big ages.

the gaslighting and harassment are out there now, and while i'm sure she'll still creep up with her new discord and attempt to do as she always does, i would assume other muns will be more vigilant moving forward and that's what matters most to me in all of this; sure, i'm being petty as fuck when she's brought up or when she invades my boundaries that me blocking her should've made VERY obvious, but my concern lies with the other muns she could manipulate, terrorize and use to her heart's content. they don't deserve to deal with that shit nor should we pipe down just because it bothers others, 2023 is the year of accountability and people can either join the movement or fuck right off 🤷🏻‍♀️

[tears-of-boredom]

What is the gender when you're afab but you feel like if you were amab you'd be so jealous of guys who do girly things and dress up all pretty and shit, and you would want to be one of them.

Tbh maybe its just that I think my face structure isnt right for that femboy aesthethic. I want to do cute makeup looks in the guy way. I want to wear make up and be called a girl(derogatory) for it.

I want to be amab. Not even a cisman. I want to have been sociliased as "a boy" for my whole life. I don't think that would change my gender in any way, i just would probably feel more comfortable in my own body.

Maybe i would trust my emotions more and not chuck everything up to "girl hormones". Maybe I'd be able to build muscle and feel more confident in my abilities.

I'd rather get misgendered as a boy than a girl.

I'd rather have my attraction to men be interpreted as gay than straight.

I'd rather have my sadness be looked at as hot than weird and pityful.

I want to be considered cool for just wearing earrings.

I don't think I want to grow up with an autism diagnosis though. I don't think my mom would handle it right.

I want to not have to do so much work to look intimidatingly relaxed. I want to not mask around every person.

I almost dont want to have my current autism diagnosis. I feel like in a way it stops people from realising that i just dont have motivation for life, and that I dont avoid school on purpose because of sensory issues or something. I've answered in my life time only 2 of those doctor certified "are you depressed" quizzes. Maybe 5 years ago I just lied my ass off because I "didnt want my mom to think i was depressed", i was so adamant that that wasnt depression. Then maybe 4 years ago i answered one kinda truthfully, saying that i had thought about suicide. I explained to the therapist that it was just in passing, "everybody thinks about killing themselves once in a while". The questionnaire had weirdly specific answers so i didnt put an X further. I think I was aware that my suicidal thoughts were more than passing, but i had this thing -and still do- where no matter what, i refused to call myself depressed. Others had it worse. I didn't even feel like a burden on my family! I didn't even want to harm myself!...Partly I think its because before that,ni had gone through a brief "not like other girls/I'm 14 and this is deep" phase, where i would unironically send those "I'm broken" pictures to people, and I hoped for something tragic to happen to me so i could justify being so angsty. So when i had gotten over that, it left this doubt about my own emotions, after i realised that I hadnt actually been that "broken" or "depressed". It felt like every negative emotion was just willingly made by me, to be that "tragic thing" to justify my angst. I think I wanted to feel sad because I had stopped talking to most of my friends, thinking them too "other girls" like. And i still judged them often, for really just existing as girls and having friends. Maybe i was just jealous how easy they made friendships look. My last word to this E guy was calling him gay. Me and my friend, L, had built this high ground where we predicted what would become of our classmates in the future, and we were so sure that this one guy, who was friends with most of the girls, was gonna come out as gay..in hindsight it was pretty homophobic, but we just saw it as a fact, because we thought we were so much smarter than everybody else. We were going to be the loners that just read books all the time. Self-fulfilling prophecy i guess.

In kindergarten i made friends with these two friends, and then I started complaining to friend K about the other, E, and I started trying to push E out of the friend group and have K all by myself. I didn't realise what I was doing. Then in elementary school, we moved, I went to a school full of strangers that all had been in kindergarten together. First grade I spent just being normal, maybe a bit unaware of other's physical boundaries. In 2nd grade I had a lot of friends, but I was closest to these two, N and L, who were also friends. I did the same thing. I complained about N to L, and a few other people as well. I wasn't fully aware of what I was doing, but I was aware of the jealousy I always felt when the two would spend time together without me. I got agitated over anything N did. We still stayed friends, I think at the end of grade 3 we hugged for the last time. I was succesfull and by 4th grade I had L all to myself. We mostly read beside each other during breaks. I remember wanting a deeper relationship with her, wanting to be able to talk about the many thoughts about shooting myself I had. She wasn't the type to really get deep, at least not with me. We spoke a bit still at the start of 7th grade, clearly farther apart. My school absences broke off the last of our relationship, since neither of us really liked to text or call.

This has been a self-held therapy session for me. Sorry for wasting your time if you actually read through this.

[theantiinfluencer]

In 2024, It's More Important than Ever to Dress Sharp

There is a great quote from Dana White, CEO of UFC, "Nowadays, even if you have a little savage in you, you can get whatever you want in the world." He was talking about the work ethic of the current generation; he was knocking things like working from home. That is a topic for another time. When I go to downtown and uptown Toronto or even in my office and see how young men dressed, it is an interesting phenomenon. Young men are wearing sweatpants, hoodies, t-shirts, and ripped jeans to work in a white-collar professional job. 10 years ago, or even 5 years ago, this would have been unheard of, some may even say, a disgrace.

There are a couple reasons for this. First, COVID-19, when people returned from work, I noticed a big difference, particularly in young people in how the dressed. I guess people were just used to working in their sweatpants. Second, tech billionaires like Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs, whom young people look up to, famously dress very causally. This created the perfect storm for people to give permission to themselves to dress more casually to work. So, what does this have to do with Dana White's quote above?

As a young man in a professional job, if you dress up, even a little bit, you will stand out. Back in the day, people wore business causal outfits, sometimes begrudgingly but did not really know how. So, if you learned how to do business casual right, you would stand out. Nowadays, you will really stand out. I believe this is a good thing and you should strive to do it. With people are dressing more casually, the advantages of dressing well are magnified.

A mentor of mine always used to tell me, "Remember, you are always interviewing for your next job." That does not mean, always kiss ass or be a try hard. That means, always present yourself well and put your best foot forward. Dressing well, is one of the ways to do that.

When I tell this to young men starting off, there is a reasonable argument that they have for dressing casually at work. That is, they want to seem more approachable. There is some wisdom in that because if you are one of the only people dressed up, it could come off as pretentious, uptight, or even out of touch. My rebuttal is that it is better than coming off as sloppy, careless, and immature. But what if there was a middle ground? What if there was a way you could look approachable and down to earth but also dapper and a serious person?

Before I get into that, no matter what kind of white-collar job you have you should never go any more casual than this:

In the Summer and

This in the winter.

If you follow this formula, you will be ahead of all the young dudes who woke up 15 minutes before they had to leave their mother's basement after a night of weed and video games. You know who you are!

Unstructured Sportcoats

If you are thinking, I don't want to wear a sport coat because I will look like I am part of the establishment, think again. Sport coats are still considered business casual. If you are really concerned than get an unstructured sport coat made of wool or cotton. Personally, I still go for structure because I have a big head.

This is the perfect medium because sport coats without structure look more casual. Plus, there are many benefits to wearing one, especially if you have an average build. Sport coats broaden your chest and shoulders, tighten your waist, and add a level of sophistication. It will boost your attractiveness, think of it as a push up bra or lululemon pants for men. If it is your first one, get a darker neutral color with or without a subtle pattern. You can do more relaxed tailoring to ensure a more chill look. Do not get black.

2. Trousers > Jeans

If you are grown up, you should be wearing wear trousers more often than you wear jeans. Why? Because they look more mature than jeans. The one exception is the dark slim fit indigo jeans like seen above, however, I try to not wear them in the office unless it is Friday. When I say trousers, I am referring to Corduroy, Wool, Khaki, or Chino pants. Avoid the lululemon chino yoga pants, you are not fooling anyone into thinking you are not wearing yoga pants.

If you notice in the picture below, if he were to wear jeans with this outfit it would significantly lower the level of sophistication. Even though the outfit is casual, he looks professional and smart.

3. Always wear Leather Shoes

Smart white leather sneakers or brown or black Derbys are a safe bet. They will go with any trouser. You want to avoid wearing sneakers with logos or anything that is clearly a running shoe.

If you notice the picture below, these shoes are dressy but can be worn with a casual outfit. In keeping with the best of both worlds theme.

4. Timeless Watch

If you think a dress watch might be a bit much, getting a stainless-steel Dive or integrated bracelet watch will work with anything from casual wear to a suit. If you don't want to send much money, you can get something from Casio. Avoid any large, statement, or luxury watches. Why not luxury? You are trying to look down to earth right? A luxury watch is the pinnacle of pretention.

Notice how the watch just amps up the elegance, even when just wearing a t-shirt, not that we would wear one to work.

5. Be well groomed

This should go without saying. Remember when the standard for most young men was to be clean shaven daily? There was a reason for that. I typically have a short beard and classic comb over. The interesting thing is when I shave my beard off, I get compliments from older women but scared looks from young women. If you can grow a beard, keeping it well-groomed and having a classic haircut is the safest bet. Watch videos about having a hair style and beard style that matches your face shape, it has really helped me.

If you are dressing more casually but are well groomed, that could work. If you are not well groomed and you dress casually, you run the risk of looking sloppy and shaggy.

Bonus tip: Don't look overly groomed if you want to keep the down to earth vibe. An example of overly groomed would be getting a hair or beard style like Drake.

Moderately groomed:

Overly groomed:

If you stick with these 5 tips you will be miles above the average young male professional nowadays while still maintaining the strong level of approachability. Personally, I like it when style evolves, and I do think that being too rigid or refined can have it downsides.

This might be what you would look like if you were too refined and standing out a bit too much. Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with dressing like this at work. I would prefer people dress like this rather than too casually. However, it might be a bit much.

If you follow these 5 tips, you may look more like this:

The difference is subtle, and both look good.

[unearthlytwilight]

starting this again, I think.

last time: lotta shit happened. Lisa got retconned into an idol, fulfilled part of the Evil Prophecy by singing, and then some jackass tried to blow up the venue and her friends got drained of their dreams and all that. weirdly poignant moments about her feelings as an outsider, too. then the same guy tried to blow shit up again but we stopped him. also he kept calling Tatsuya "Cursed Star" but it's probably fine

I really do like how they handle Lisa. like, considering how they handle the Lovers girls in 3/4/5 I was not expecting much. but wow. sucks that you lose her for the entire dungeon though

also Eikichi clears again. my man. it's that whole "two bickering characters care about each other deep down" trope but it's done well. you never get the sense that they actively dislike each other, it's just that they're teenagers and Like That sometimes

yeah get his creep ass

also we stopped bombing guy again. twice. well we only beat him up the second time but we evacuated people from the place he was going to bomb the first time so. small victories.

but wait! before bombing guy died he said some important stuff about Mr. Kashihara, who was important to the Evil Prophecy plot before he died. so that's a lead we follow up on

excuse me the WHAT. man you can't drop stuff like that and not explain (I'm sure it was explained earlier but. I forgor)

and but so anyway Lisa wants to go to Mt. Iwato because she wants us all to remember some stuff that happened. we get there and find out, through a series of flashbacks, that the gang knew each other as kids but forgot about it. they also called themselves the Masked Circle because they all wore masks, which if you're keeping track is also the name of the villain conspiracy behind the bombs and stuff. at the end of summer Lisa, Eikichi, and this strange Jun kid lock "big sis" in the shrine (so she can't leave at the end of the summer, this is explicitly referred to as dumb kid logic) and by freak coincidence, the bombing guy went to burn down the shrine because pyromania that same night. Cue Tatsuya's Personas awakening and giving bombing guy his big ol' burn scar, which he was really salty about still. fine, except Maya has been acting weird and keeps saying shit like this:

weird, huh? Yukino is off in the background saying "Jesus fucking Christ" to all of this and I don't blame her.

anyway! it's revealed that 1) Maya is "big sis" and remembers being locked in the shrine and dying, and resents the gang for it enough to try and kill them and 2) psych, it's actually an evil copy of her created by the rumors that the party was actually the terrorists, because the real one shows up and is like "nah, go home, man". Joker shows up and freaks out for a little bit, insisting that Maya is dead. hmm I wonder who he could be.

after the fight, fake ghost kid Maya rolls up, explains the deal (she exists because of the rumor that "a kid died in the shrine fire ten years ago", rumors becoming reality, etc etc) and I am left with a new existential contemplation, because fake ghost kid Maya is self-aware that she's fake and talking to the real one. idk man something about that sits weird with me.

anyway! a golden butterfly shows up and we're whisked off to Philemon's place, where he's like "yeah, get that kid some help, man" (and gives you the Prime Personas if you made the right decisions).

we are shunted back to reality only to find, I shit you not, a Nazi air raid happening. I'm not lying, the cutscene is on YouTube and everything. feel free to check. they're going to a place mentioned in the Evil Prophecy to uncover alien artifacts and ascend beyond humanity by killing almost everyone else.

next time: hopefully we don't, y'know, let them do that. that would be really bad.

bonus:

pov: when cosplaying goes too far

[screaming-heart]

hello. i am an introject. this is a long ass ramble about my opinions surrounding the terms source-attached and source-separated, as well as what those words mean to me (and our system as a whole). This is, in fact, very long. Be warned.

Introduction and Rambling

so our host has been engaging with my source media recently (which consequently has made me more aware of its existence than i have been in maybe 2 years) and i've been thinking about the nature of my existence.

i saw lestat made a post on this account a while ago describing her experience with being a fictional introject, and while i agree with most of what it said, a lot of it didn't ring true for me.

like, she was explaining how he felt in between the terms source separated and source attached because she was still similar in many ways to his source, but most of those similarities were, at that point, independent of the source.

im sort of the opposite. i'm basically still my source in every way. same name, age, appearance (i don't even have new clothes or anything). i still act the same and talk the same. If you put me and source-me into a venn diagram, it would just about be a circle. and yet, i consider myself source separated.

now, to any normal person, this discrepancy would be chalked up to "every alter is different and these words are made up," which is true, but I also didn't intend to front today and have a lot of time on my hands, so I decided to look more into the system community's relationships with introjects (primarily fictional introjects, although i will talk about others types as well). my primary source is tumblr, because the DID community on this website is like a disease i have the antibodies for, and all other websites are like diseases that will kill me instantly.

So, lets proceed.

Actually before that, a few disclaimers.

1) i am not a doctor, nor am i the arbiter of what a system is supposed to look like. None of this is meant to fakeclaim, just to see others experiences and compare them to my own.

2) I am including both traumagenic systems and non-traumagenic systems in my data because, honestly, i do not have the energy to filter anyone out. however, this post does just assume that introjects / alters are a result of trauma. if that is not true in your case, this post isn't about you.

3) I don't plan on going into the specifics of any trauma, personal or otherwise, however i will likely mention some events and experiences throughout this post. i'll trigger warning them accordingly, but proceed with caution.

Part One: Fictional Introjects (AKA "Fictives) On Tumblr

So i will start off by saying that I don't like the word fictive for many reasons, and prefer to be referred to as a fictional introject (although these days i'd prefer to not be called an introject at all, but i digress). However, the word fictive is both more widely used (afaik), and shorter, so i'll likely use that term through most of this useless analysis.

So, my first observation after 5-10 minutes of looking through the 'fictive' tag gives me this information: many people who talk about their fictives consider themselves 'fictive-heavy.'

from my brief look through the tag, i identified somewhere between 1/3 and 1/2 of systems identified as 'fictive-heavy.' Idk what this means, but i found it sort of interesting.

Observation No. 2: i found a surprising amount of posts (not too many, but more than i thought i would find) that showed fictives actively roleplaying as themselves. I found this interesting, since for me and the other fictional introjects i've met, this sounds absolutely mortifying.

Observation No. 3: there were quite a few posts about source separation, specifically positivity posts for introjects who had key differences from their source (ie. non-canon memories, different appearance, etc). There was also a post of a comic explaining source separation, which will be very helpful later.

Now, these things have made me realise something.

Many of the introjects i've seen on tumblr are very aware of the fact that they're an introject.

Systems joke about how the fictives' portrayal of themself is considered 'so authentic' by roleplay partners who are unaware of the author's identity. memes are made about the bewilderment when the fictive says something out of character in a fanfiction. people vent about how their source memories are really hitting hard today, and how much they miss others from their source all the time, every day. And I find that so strange.

The last point specifically reminds me of source-call channels in many system discord servers. I've always hated those channels for the harm they can cause, which I won't get into right now, but I also never understood the point.

and now I think I do. These introjects identity as *insert character here* is something they are always aware of. they are always aware of the fact that they used to be someone else in a different universe. Not only that, but they think this behavior is expected.

All the positivity posts about how introjects are not their source are very necessary in this environment, because introjects in this community feel less 'valid' or 'real' when their experiences are not what I outlined above.

I think this is the root of why the terms source separated and source attached exist. they are a false dichotomy brought on by the belief that introjects are their source, see themselves as their source, and always see themselves as their source.

Part One Point Five: Ben's Bullshit

I don't know how to smoothly transition into this section, so I'm just gonna start it here. If you don't wanna hear my story and experiences, and just wanna skip to the analysis, go ahead and do so.

My experiences with the community of introjects on tumblr are limited. I was one of the first alters our then-host discovered, right after I split. This era was before we were really interacting with the system community, so I existed as an outside observer. I pretty quickly realised I didn't fit in, although at the time I didn't know why, so I stopped caring.

When I split, I knew what had happened. Our host had suspected DID for a little while at that point, and one of our Gatekeepers essentially filled me in on what was going on. I knew who I was, what my role was, and why I was the one who was here. My status as an introject was unimportant.

I was gonna keep my identity a secret, but I actually don't care. My source is Ben Hargreeves from the hit TV show the Umbrella Academy, which our host had been watching during a particularly hard part of their life. The reason my character was introjected was obvious to everyone in the system at the time; our host related to Klaus a lot (minus the drug problems, plus the mommy issues), and I was Klaus's support system. My role was obvious, and also urgent.

As this part of our life was ending, I became curious about my 'introject' status. I was confused why it was important. I did not split with specific source memories or attachments or information. our host felt anxiety over my complete lack of source memories, actually. that fact contributed to the spiral of doubt and denial that they were going through at the time. as for me, I never cared. I knew who i was.

thats why i find the attitude of many other introjects on this website strange. the idea of roleplaying myself or writing fanfiction or seeking out others with similar memories never made sense to me because my source wasn't important to me. it was just that thing I was based on.

sure, when i see pictures of Ben during seasons 1 and 2 I see myself. when i hear about the plotline of the show I distantly recall that happening to me. but my source was never the important part about me, it was just an extra comfort afforded to our host. to me, the important part about me was my job.

but, of course, thats my experience, and we have other fictional introjects in our system. And this whole thing was inspired by Lestat's post, so I might as well bring him up.

TW for this next bit: i'm going to go over some of our experiences regarding emotional abuse, mental illness, and toxic relationships. i don't go into too much detail, but reader discretion is advised.

(Lestat uses he/she/it pronouns. I'm sticking to he/him for consistency. i promise he doesn't care.)

In my case, my source was secondary to my job. I was a caretaker first, just with a ben hargreeves coloured coat of paint. Lestat is different.

Lestat's existence as an introject is directly related to his source, the AMC adaptation of Interview With The Vampire. Our host watched the first episode of the show, and had such an emotional reaction that he and Louis popped up. Louis is much like me; the character he's based on is secondary to the function he serves. Lestat's job, on the other hand, is inextricable with the man he's based off of.

We were never able to get past the first episode of the show, but what Lestat shared (and what we heard from other viewers later) felt eerily similar to our experiences, even if we didn't know it. specifically, his time being held captive. as a child, our family would lock us in our room for hours, sometimes just to get us to go to sleep, sometimes as punishment. the feelings of abandonment and hopelessness he described matched up quite well.

later, his abusive and obsessive treatment of Louis mirrored our own struggles with relationships, flipping between adoring someone to hating them at the drop of a hat.

lestat's source memories serve a function. they are, at their core, real memories of isolation, desperation, obsession, guilt, etc, just packaged in a way that could not happen in the real world. it's yet another form of dissociation. at his core, Lestat is the reflection of a trauma holder in a funhouse mirror. warped and strange, but still the same idea.

lestat's relationship to his source is more like those i've listed above, but still completely different. up until very recently, just mentioning his source would make him melt down and bring up flashbacks. he did have people from his source who he missed, but the idea of interacting with any of them made him sick.

but most of all, he was more than a representation of a character.

his source was important for trauma reasons. when we weren't dealing with the trauma reasons, he was just a guy. he made a lot more reference to his life as a 200-or-so year old vampire than I ever did, but he never felt the need to be lestat. he explains this idea better in his post, but his source didn't affect every part of his life.

i think that's what confuses me most about the introjects of tumblr. in my daily life, my source didn't matter. all it did was give our unconscious mind a blueprint to spit me out, and nothing else. In lestat's case, its the same. we've never been so preoccupied with our source because at the end of the day, it was just a tool that our brain used to deal with traumatic situations. it wasn't, to us at least, more important than that.

Part Two: Okay So What Does This Have To Do With Source Separation?

good question! as i outlined in part one, I think the concept of source attachment stems from the system community's obsession with introject accuracy. this issue has gotten a lot better now, I've noticed, but for a while every introject was judged on how much they were like their source.

now, they weren't necessarily judged negatively if they were very different from their source, but they were judged. despite so many posts explaining that introjects are not their source, we still couldn't escape our roots.

so, as far as i can tell, the concept of 'source separation' didn't exist until the system community made it up. introjects have been noted in a lot of DID-related literature, however they were usually introjects of abusers, and sometimes caretakers. these alters would be dealt with like any other alter: by getting them to slowly unlearn their harmful behaviours, and become more cooperative with the rest of the system.

however, with the rise of fictional introjects occuring in systems, many of whom find their source to be a comfort or safe place instead of something hurtful, the idea of source separation was born.

the way introjects form is, at least in traumagenic systems, unhealthy, and healing often involves acknowledging and coping with your past and your present. therefore, introjects who had a hard time moving on from their source might hinder those goals. that's the reason many traumagenic systems encourage source-separation, as it's seen as a form of healing.

however, how important source separation is to recovery heavily depends on what it actually entails.

this comic defines source separation as 'the process an introject goes through of realizing they are not their source.' this, at its core, seems to be the generally accepted definition. however, it isn't very useful.

many, if not most, introjects know logically that they are not their source. this knowledge often doesn't change too much about how their source affects them. traumatic memories, personal information, and appearance don't tend to change when an introject acknowledges their source, and often don't change even when that acknowledgement becomes an actual, deeply held belief. this doesn't feel like its inherently healing.

so i think, for source separation to be a Good Thing tm, there needs to be actual work put into the why. Why was this person introjected? why are they this similar/dissimilar to their source? why is this what our brain felt it needed to survive?

and now, it becomes clear to me that source separation is not, in itself, recovery. source separation is a product of recovery.

at the end of the day, introjects are the way they are because of trauma, just like every other alter ever. i think that the separation of introjects from other alters has made this fact a lot less clear. introjects are not different from any other alter, and they shouldn't be treated differently, either.

Part Two Point Five: Ben Again!

This is honestly why I don't like being called an introject. It isn't actually that important to me, to who I am, to how I work, etc. I think the label of introject is useful as a descriptor, like how the terms protector and little are used, and not necessarily as a singular identity. I am not just an introject, or a protector, or a nonhuman, or whatever else. I'm all of those things, and more, and just like its shitty to assume anything about an alter because of their role or their age, i think its shitty to assume things about introjects because of their source attachment, or their memories, or whatever else.

[thoughtsofadyingsoftwaredev]

I know it's only rock 'n' roll but I like it

Hello once again, tumblr! I somehow remembered this thing exists before another full year passed. I know, I know - I also find it very surprising. I'm sure since my last post many things have happened that I'm not thinking of. Uhh, I know recently we've been making our backyard a more habitable place - by that I mean making a built-in firepit, adding some edging stones and filling that area with pea gravel, and getting a canopy swing for that space. It's been hard but very rewarding work, and it is almost finished. Outside of that, things have mostly been the same. Work is the same - still work, so not like it's my first choice of things to do, but I do enjoy the challenges and puzzles that present themselves as a part of my occupation. The good thing about not working for some FAANG company or other public company like that is the lack of pressure. Like, yeah, I still have 2-week sprints and adhere to the whole Agile manifesto. And I also always complete the work I commit to. But even in times where perhaps I don't complete or something else comes up, there is very little pressure or negative consequences as a result, and that is a breath of fresh air. That and being able to stop at 40 hours* (*TYPICALLY. Can sometimes go over depending on where I'm at headspace-wise) Personal life stuff is all good and locked down, no issues there. My interest in music has been growing - I found myself getting a copy of Ableton and a small MIDI keyboard to tinker with, and have found it to be therapeutic to explore some different sounds and chord progressions to put to some simple beats/bass lines. Oh, and I went to a concert for the first time in awhile! The last time I went to one, I believe, was for Buckethead. Since then, I had also started listening to TWRP, due to their presence in NSP's stuff. When I first started listening to them, Together Through Time was their latest album. Apparently, that was six fucking years ago?! Time as a concept is just so wild and insane to think about. I know other TWRP albums have been released since then, because I listened to them as they came out, but it never fully clicked for me that this meant that Together Through Time was no longer considered a "recent" release. ANYWAYS, when I saw they released Digital Nightmare, I of course dove right in and holy shit, what an excellent album. It really does feel like such a maturation of that classic TWRP sound. The lyrics are super feel-good, the chord progressions and rhythms are tight and super funky. The bass is booming, but with such purpose to it. The guitar rips exactly where it's meant to and shows restraint at just the right times. I love being able to hear a band evolve and become more "refined" over time, and you get all of that and more in spades with Digital Nightmare. That being said, I absolutely knew I had to see them in person. And I did! I took my wife and went to a show (as VIPs), and had an absolute blast! Nelward opened the show, and despite never hearing of him before, I was super impressed and now have him on my radar! Trey Magnifique, well, that's an "If you know, you know" situation if I've ever heard of one lol. And of course TWRP kicked all of the asses. Their pre-show was also wonderful. Perhaps most surprising to me, as a long-time Tup Tup first time tour attender, was how nice the crew was. I had spoken with Dylan online as I was interested in TWRP signing one of my guitar backplates. As an aside: I didn't want to lug my entire instrument to a show due to fear of it being stolen. Plus, I didn't want to be an obnoxious fan trying to force the group to sign this heavy instrument out of fear of obligation or some silly shit like that. So I just grabbed my backplate and slapped it in my pocket, perfect solution! Anyways, I messaged Dylan about it online and asked if the group even did signings or stuff like that, and he was more than helpful in every way, basically saying to just drop it off with him before the show starts and he'd try to have them sign it.

It would have been the easiest thing in the world for him to just not do it, say he tried, and give it back. But that crazy motherfucker actually was able to get it done, and I am now the proud owner of Fender Strat WITH the signatures of all the TWRP folks. Massive respect to Dylan and TWRP for that, because as a fan, I'll never forget how awesome it was to have that happen. And I think that's about it from me for now. I think I have some other thoughts swirling around, but right now I mainly want to go do some other stuff, so I'll leave it at this for now.

[ace-hell]

1. I disregard the UN bc they do nothing against all the active war crimes and human rights violation that are being done by muslim countries like oh i don't know? Child brides? And SLAVERY?? Horrible executions of queer people? They don't commit at all about the genocide that happened for the past like, 100-200 years against jews all over the arab and muslim countries. They just sit there and talk and they sound like they don't k ow anything. Also btw 100 of the hamas terrorists that attacked on 7.10 graduated from the UN university for palestinians, so idk how i perceived the UN anymore besides ignorant

2. Yes nowadays israel will take control over gaza that much is true can't say i support that israel aren't made of pure gold, im pretty sure your country isn't made of angels for government. Seriously people judge israel as if all the countries in the world are pure gold hearted angels sent from heaven. Like get out of your own ass. Also ppl in the WB are not israeli citizens they are under the PA and israel gives them jobs, i would know bc the busses in center of israel-the ones israeli ppl use- are absolutely PACKED with palestinians from the WB around 6-7 am

3. Lol as european you can sit your ass down bc you are the part of the reason jews felt so unsafe they wanted a country of their own to feel safe- jews aren't colonizers- they can't be especially not white considering after the holocaust the majority of the jewish population kinda ceased to exist. You completely overlook all the mizrahi, sefardi and tzabar jews which is absolutely hilarious. You can't demand jews to "go back to the middle east where they came from"and when they do that be mad at them. Jews are indigenous, cope in silence.

Also "palestine" is a derogatory name for the land-canaan. It comes from the greek word "philistine" which technically means barbaric and from the aramic word "plishtim" which means invador. Palestinians means "barbaric invadors" so if you want to jeep calling them that have fun

4. Bro what do you want the ottomans and arabs colonized the land, the brits also did that, EVERYONE fucking colonized the land and brutally opressed the jews. You really don't know about the opression they did? Really? It didn't happen at first, no, at first they came and build muslim settlements on the land and actually loved jews,jews even worked at the royal palance at some point. but one king came up and just decided that he hates and jews and chritians

5. The first pogroms against jews started in 1908,then became worse in the 1920's. The brits actually tries to come to their aid multiple times in so many ways even opressing jews by writing 3 fucking whole books with restrictions to jews such as: limiting the amount of jews that can immigrant and forbidding jews from buying land- yes bc jews didn't come and just went house to house and kicked arabs out, they bought lands and build villages of their own. All the cities the arabs lived in are original jewish cities from thousands of years ago that they occupied. Stop denying jewish heritage, history and connection to the land you antisemite freak.

Also the nakba happened in 15th of may 1948- a day after the declaration of israel and when arabs started the 1948 war. How did you say it? That arabs were "pissed off"? Yes so the jews were also a little "pissed off" after they started a fucking WAR (surprising) with 7 other nations + the arabs within the land. Mind you A LOT of arabs fled themselves, not everyone were expelled. Wow i guess its not the first time the palis waged war on israel and started to cry when israel answered back with brutality. Also there were less than 1 million jews at the time - including elderly, children AND HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS agains millions of trained military nations and they still won.

6. Again, the nakba happened AFTER they started the war-i don't support it, i condemn it, it was horrible- so yes they could just declare themselves a country on 14th together with israel. In the israeli declaration of independence they call for peace amongst the arabs in the region and the neighboring arab countries and to that they answered with war. Not a really peaceful move ey?

7. It is, in fact, about religion. You really act so self rightous bc you truly don't understand how deep it all is. Pro palestinians march with swastikas, praise hamas, attack jews- the antisemitism is rising WORLDWIDE everytime there's something about israel. One thing you are right about- israel does not care about the ethnicity nor the religion considering there are 2.048 million arabs palestinians that are citizens that are free- they are doctors, in the knesset, they are truly everywhere and we can live with them just fine? Lol my dentist is a palestinian arab. Oh wow and lets not talk about the beduins and druze, fucking hell they are more zionists than a lot of jews that i encountered with- they serve in the IDF wholeheartedly and oppose the sharia laws that the palestinians support and know what hamas, isis and all the terror organizations are. You TRULY don't understand anything about israel

I recommend you to listen to Yusuf mosad hassan, he is a son of one of the head leaders of hamas- he was a terrorist that served 2 years in the israeli prison fully believing whatever propaganda you say, he was raised in ramallah IN A SCHOOL FOR SHAHID since he was a CHILD after he was released he walked around israel streets in tel aviv and got the shock of his life and now he is super pro israeli.

You really suppose to have a bigger insight over all that instead of seeing posts like the og posts that are just straight up BS and lies. Cheers

[sluntch]

My Health Journey - A Writing Experiment - Day 1

DISCLAIMER: I want to lay out at the start of this post that, while it has to do with dieting, food, weight loss, and exercise, I do not have a diagnosed eating disorder, am not eating 1200 or fewer calories a day, and am not peddling some diet regimen. I am not a medical professional and nothing I say in this or future posts should in any way be considered medical advice. I'm just a dude out here tryna be healthier.

Hello to anyone who stumbles across this post. I am now going to be actively using this blog that I've had for, like, a billion years. I know I've said this multiple times in the past and have never followed through, but I've been "going through some shit"™ and have become much better at developing and cultivating habits to the degree that I stick with them. The habit I'm trying to cultivate, at this point, is getting back into writing, something I've always been passionate about and loved doing but have never really attempted to pursue in earnest, either due to self-doubt or laziness. I'm unsure which of those two is more powerful in my psyche, to be honest. To that end, what better place to write something, no matter how small or large, every day until writing some number of words becomes a habit than a blog where I can just put snippets about something ELSE that I do every day until I start doing it forever? Ain't that grand? See below the cut if you'd like. Otherwise, happy scrolling!

The thing I'll be documenting is the continuation of a journey that I started a year ago after a visit to the doctor wherein some rough stuff came to light. Just for the record, I'm going to be candid about a lot of the things that are going on regarding my current state of health and being. I don't shy away from sharing things about myself as I don't really embarrass easily. Obviously, these will be within reason. Posts will be tagged appropriately to make sure that, when things get particularly gnarly, which they might, those who wish to shield themselves from those things can do so. As I've never really used this webbed site to it's (omegalul) full potential, my tagging may be rudimentary at best, so I'm counting on being corrected and sitting my white ass down and learning, so if something slips through the cracks please be sure to let me know.

With that preamble out of the way, let's get to the meat and potatoes of this entry.

One year ago, roughly around mid-year, I noticed that my legs and feet just began swelling constantly, some days to the point of actual pain, not just discomfort. Anytime they were pressed against something, indentations were left on my skin and to squeeze them with one's fingers was to feel something akin to a latex bag filled with sand. It was exacerbated to an unbearable degree any time I had alcohol which, back in those days, was near constantly and at considerable volume given how large I was. In order to actually become comfortably buzzed, I would need to consume probably 2-3 cocktails or 3-4 beers. To become fully drunk, namely something reserved for parties, I would probably need to have consumed 3-4 cocktails or 4-5 beers at minimum due to my size, sitting comfortably around 320 pounds. I was drinking, on average, conservatively, 3-4 drinks a night during the week and at parties probably averaged 6 beers and/or liquor (either straight or in cocktails). Coupled with my inherent love of snacking, any given "normal day", however we're defining that, would be around 3.5-4.5k caloric intake. On spike days, like a party on Saturday or Holidays, this would most likely have easily exceeded 5k. Concern from both my wife and myself (mostly my wife) prompted me to go see a doctor, as the insurance from my new job was a huge upgrade from the hourly job I'd had before it. I had also not been to a doctor since I had been kicked off my parents insurance at 26. I was 31 at the time.

The doctor's visit revealed a slew of issues that, given my lifestyle up to that point, should not have been surprising in any way. Most notable were a slightly fatty liver (not enough for a diagnosis of Fatty Liver Syndrome, but still), dangerously low potassium levels, and high blood pressure, for which I was put on at least 3 medications. The leg and feet swelling was attributed to something called Venous Reflux, a condition in which the Greater Saphenous Vein in the leg cannot bring blood from the lower extremities back to the heart fast enough and it just sort of pools in the feet, eventually swelling up through a decent portion of the leg. One of the more notable parts of the conversation was my weight. I had tried two forms of dieting in the past: 2 rudimentary and half-hearted calorie counts and a brush with intermittent fasting. With both, I was stupid and impatient waiting for near instant results and when the holidays rolled around and everything fell apart, I gave up each time around New Years. Neither had stuck and I assumed I was just not built to handle that kind of commitment. When my doctor mentioned keeping a calorie diary at this visit, I slumped a bit thinking about the previous times I had tried and failed to keep to something like that, but figured I had to give it a shot. The alternative was medication for weight loss and I, then and now, didn't want to be on medication possibly for the rest of my life if I could help it. In that moment, I decided to give it a try naturally and this time, hopefully, stick to it. I re-downloaded the Cronometer app onto my phone and, starting the next day, began documenting what I ate, even just to see what a day looked like at the time. That one doctor's visit changed my life to a degree that I'll never take for granted and set me on my current course - something that I believe has saved my life.

I'll cut the story here for now, as this post is already too long. Tomorrow's entry will continue from this point as mostly a lore dump and catch-up for anyone who hasn't heard all of this yet. Thanks for reading if you did and I'll see you tomorrow for the next one. After three months of this crap you'll all be tired of it but, hey, I'll have a new habit formed and then who's the winner?

Me.

[imightgetbetter]

I completely agree with you, I think the things he said were vile and damaging beyond belief and I think that there is no amount of apologies that can undo it, I will never listen to him the same for sure.

I won't get really into it because I have a whole ass 2 page essay on it (it's easier for me to decide things like that) but from listening to the whole podcast, a lot of it was very very lead and encouraged by the hosts, that is not to above matty, still vile, but it is setting a tone that people who are easily Influenced (I.e matty is just a man and is easily influenced in areas) or people who aren't thinking much (once again, he's an idiot istg) however I'm not saying he's not absolutely vile for this and gross, especially when it comes to the weird sort of homophobia, and the comments about women and other marginalised groups, If he took time, reflected, apologised, and proved with his actions that he had chnaged I think there is some semblance of saving it.

In no way will it be better, and It will not possibly just be forgotten, but it's possible to very slowly come back from if he just shuts the fuck up and let's himself get educated and proves he's willing to change.

I think my perspective is a little different because a lot of the stuff said there is just stuff I hear regularly in school and always have, it's a vile culture among younger lads that's become very normalised at certain places. I don't agree with it. I personally don't feel safe around it. It's gross and dehumanising. But I have seen people genuinely turn themselves around from similar points or worse.

That is not to say that you are not absolutely valid in your position, I very much agree in this has made my feelings towards the man very confused and uncomfortable, but I just felt it necesary to explain I'm not defending him.

Sorry this is so long and stuff I just don't want you thinking im not with you on this, I am, I felt it necesary to explain myself a little. Either way, I hope you are OK, and I hope that this doesn't cause much distress for you, I know its rough, especially given your recent writing. I'm wishing you well, I'll probably pop in every now and then on my train journey tonight anyway, look after yourself though. I have deleted twitter like 3 years ago so I think I'm going to save myself the pain of reading that statement.

i get where you're coming from! considering i work in music, i hear the most vile things from grown men all the time. it used to shock me, and then i kind of just moved on? i feel like that trivializes it but that's what i had to do. most of the men that work in music in some capacity think this way. i just think it's so unsettling that he completely isolated a majority of his fanbase to fit in with what these people were saying, which is so odd? like, are you not a grown man? are you not able to sit there and say, i don't agree or i don't think this way. i really don't see how he could reflect and change this behavior when this isn't the first time he's done it. it's like that saying, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. that's kind of how this feels to me.

[putris-et-mulier]

I think I've been following your blogs for somewhere around 10 years now, and I'm curious; do you consider yourself part of the reason Spideypool is as big as it is? If you hadn't started that Spideypool blog way back when, which also had a ton of Deadpool analysis stuff, I honestly don't think the ship would have gained as much traction as it has. God, remember when there was like 2 pages worth of Spideypool on AO3 and it was all mostly comic-verse? Different times.

I am absolutely the reason and I don't say that to be boastful because I actually made very little original content. I think this is a good example of something a lot of people in fandom don't realize; propaganda is important.

Years ago I shared a few pieces of Spideypool fanart on my main and a few people said it was cute and asked who it was, then about a week later someone asked if I had anymore so I put it all on a separate blog so it would be easy to find and I immediately got a couple hundred followers so I decided to make something out of it.  

I curated the best fan works and tagged everything then set up a menu so people could find anything they wanted really easily

I  made sure all sources were correct and encouraged people  to generate notes and good comments until there was a stream of content being generated

I made a few half assed things myself or held events when things were slow

I made sure to make a big deal out of every holiday and reblogged anything that remotely fit

The source material was inaccessible and completely foreign to most people at the time so I wrote little essays about every aspect of the characters I knew would appeal to shippers. every essay was highly specific so it could be short as possible and I tried to make the majority of the posts pictures from the comic so people would remember the details as if they had read the comics themselves.

People were always surprised to learn that I wasn't that big of a Spideypool fan and I hadn't even read much of anything  Deadpool until I made the blog and needed to know about him in order to write those essays; luckily I did end up liking most of them.

Because of my disabilities I have a hard time doing things like  making art or writing fanfic anymore but I am good at administrative work from being an admin and mod in a LOT of fandom groups over the years. I used these skills along with  my love of research and literally created the fandom in the English speaking community. It eventually led to me becoming  acquainted with people at Marvel which then led to the community getting the Spideypool series which is still making them loads of money.

The whole thing became a passion project for me because I was able to use the propaganda I was making out of the comics to make propaganda for causes I cared about. I can't tell you how many times people told me they had no idea what ableism was until they followed me to see horny shit.

Creatives are the lifeblood of fandom but people with a gift for propagandizing are the ones that pump the blood so don't ever feel like you can't contribute to a community because you can't draw or write and if you want to do something meaningful there is always a way to combined the things care about with the things you love.

[xjoonchildx]

I haven't watched the Festa video myself yet, just been reacting to other people's responses essentially. From what I can gather thus far -- I feel... relieved?? A major reason why I don't actively "stan" any other Korean artist besides BTS is knowing how truly toxic the Korea entertainment industry can be. The horrific working conditions and lack of freedom Korean entertainers are put through. It's not something I can so easily stomach if I think about it for too long. But I couldn't NOT fall in love with these seven amazing men. Ever since I became an official fan, I've had this nagging anxiety the extent of what they might suffer through because of the specific demands that come with the industry. As I'm sure many other ARMY feel. That we've seen glimpses of here and there over the years. Members on oxygen backstage at shows. Members literally collapsing from sheer exhaustion. Members vaguely admitting suffering through eating disorders, anxiety, and depression in relation to their work. And so on.

When their tour was first cancelled I desperately had hoped the group could have taken advantage of an overdue break. To enjoy themselves for once and just live their lives freely. Of course considering the circumstances, it's understandable that didn't really happen... I'm incredibly grateful they seem to be allowed to not only admit their struggles (to an extent) but hopefully have the safe space and time to now unwind and explore their own individuality. If they want to keep performing, keep working on stuff semi separate from the group, more power to them. I just hope they really take the time to put themselves first for a change. As that's what all true ARMY want -- for them to be happy. ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ 

i think you made some really amazing points here, friend.

the first thing i want to say is: please watch the video. i didn't get a chance to watch in full until last night and it was really eye-opening.

they were very honest (surprisingly so) about what they're going through as a group and as individuals. they really took a risk and put their feelings out there and i honestly could not love or respect them more for it.

but that doesn't mean that it wasn't hard to hear how they've been struggling.

there were times in that video where i really wanted to cry -- hearing yoongi talk about how painful it's been to write lyrics and feeling like he had nothing to say, hearing namjoon say they felt disconnected to the music and felt like they lost the mission of BTS, hearing hoseok say this is the best thing for all of them at this time because they all need space to grow as people and artists. it was hard for me, not because it disappointed me as a fan but because these are people i love and admire and i don't want them putting on masks to be what we expect of them and/or being hamsters on a wheel for us. i want to them to be happy and healthy and fulfilled in what they do.

but i understand your relief, too -- because it feels like they voiced out loud what i know many of us were feeling -- that their latest releases were well-written and fun and chart-topping but somehow missing that element that makes them BTS.

namjoon said at the end at he wants BTS to go on forever, but that in order to do that, they have to do this. and i understand him. they are not the same people they were ten years ago and i hope fans will follow them in this new journey that they are calling chapter 2.

at the end of the day, these are insanely talented people who've worked their asses off and have something new to show us and the rest of the world. i'm not going anywhere -- i'm going to support every album drop and MV release and every live show i can.

one last thing and i swear, i'm not trying to get too sappy but --

i discovered new things about myself through becoming an ARMY. i started writing fic and made amazing friends and experienced some of the most fun times with some of the coolest people i'll ever know, people from literally all around the world. if not for BTS, i would never have had these experiences and for that, i will support them now and always.

i hope we get to see new, more complex sides of them in this new music. i hope to have a whole new appreciation for what they do as they bring their individual projects out for us to see. and i hope that one day, just like they've said, we can see them back together in a cohesive unit -- with the drive and passion that brought them together in the first place.

borahae 💜

[classysassy9791]

Fandom: Inuyasha Genre: Romance/Humor/Fluff Pairing: InuKag Rating: T

Originally written for @inukag-week on tumblr circa 2016, now officially being updated. Its been a hot minute, hasn't it?

For InuKag Week - Day 2: Warmth

Part 1 l

Part 2 Word Count: 2,600

Can also be found on FFN and AO3.

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Kagome couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so hard.

Sometime between the moment she met the arrogant, rude man known as Inuyasha and the three shots she had consumed, they had fallen into a flirtatious banter that she rather enjoyed. Gone was the pompous jerk who had so rudely called her audacious names, replaced by a man who proved to actually be decent company.

No, she hadn't forgotten about their initial meeting, but as she downed another shot of whiskey, she realized she didn't much care. For the first time in months - maybe longer - Kagome found herself enjoying her evening. With her shackles removed and her inhibitions lowered, she relished in the sweet taste of freedom that had been sorely lacking from her life.

"You did not!" she squealed with absurdity in her tone, clamping a hand over her mouth.

Inuyasha chuckled, tilting his glass and giving a half-shrug. "I did," he confessed sheepishly, but not at all ashamed of his actions. "Miroku ran down the dorm hall, completely naked, screaming after me."

Kagome shook her head. "I can honestly say I have never stolen my roommates clothes while they were in the shower. Or pulled any pranks on them, really."

"To be fair," he continued, signaling the bartender for another round. "He actually met his girlfriend that way."

"By running naked down the hallway?"

He nodded. "Knocked her down and stopped to apologize."

"Still want to leave the tab open?" Kouga interrupted.

"Yeah, that's fine." Inuyasha finished off his beer. "Another round of whiskey shots while you're at it."

Flashing Kagome a smile, Kouga took their empty glasses. "You're going to dry me out."

"It's still early," Kagome barbed playfully. "Your bar will last until midnight at the very least."

He chuckled, filling up their shot glasses and handing them another drink. "Oh, thanks. I was afraid I'd have to close up soon."

Leaving with a, "flag me down if you need me," Kouga wandered to the other end of the bar where a busty blonde waved at him.

Typical, Kagome thought sourly. On the one hand, she didn't like the way her thoughts were turning, considering she didn't really know Kouga, and hated grouping him in with the rest of the spineless male population she had become accustomed to - especially since he was a bartender and it was literally his job to tend to the needs of his customers. But on the other hand, she couldn't help but feel bitter about his attention leaving her. Maybe it was because she had so blatantly been deprived of it for so long, that her longing for companionship had been exacerbated ten-fold.

Taking a sip of beer - which she had switched to once they started doing shots - Kagome heard her phone buzz in her purse again; it had already gone off several times during her conversation with Inuyasha. She finally pulled it out and unlocked it, frowning at the array of messages popping up on her screen.

Inuyasha raised a brow at the irritable look that overcame her expression before Kagome sighed and locked her phone. She quickly downed her shot of whiskey, not even bothering to 'cheers' him.

"Everything okay?" Inuyasha questioned, against his better judgement. There was a reason people showed up by themselves at a bar on Friday nights - either to drown their sorrows in whiskey or to find company for a few fleeting, midnight hours.

Kagome pressed her lips together. She didn't come to the bar to talk about her problems. She wasn't some sad case that needed a therapist to pour her drinks. If anything, she wanted to forget about the emotional damage that had been inflicted earlier that day. Her heart had been broken, her ego bruised, and no matter how many times her friends had told her he wasn't worth it, their sympathies didn't make her feel any better.

But, alcohol had a funny habit of turning into truth serum, and she found herself spilling her guts before she could stop herself. "Just my ex-boyfriend - er, fiance - blowing up my phone."

Inuyasha chuckled. "Can't take a hint, huh?"

Kagome shrugged with a bitter smile. "I mean, he broke off the engagement. Not sure why he can't follow through with his decision."

She had expected sympathy, perhaps even empathy. That's what most people offered in a situation like this, when they didn't know what to say or how to react. But Kagome was caught off-guard by Inuyasha's next question.

"How long were you together?"

Kagome eyed him curiously, his honey gaze hiding a wealth of understanding. "Five years," she answered him, twirling a strand of her dark hair around her finger. "Planned our life together, put a ring on it, and even booked the venue. But… I suppose he got cold feet a long time ago."

"His loss. What kind of bastard would put someone through that?"

She hummed thoughtfully, but didn't answer. It wasn't in her best interest to start talking about the past now, and she would rather take the spotlight off of herself all together. "What about you?" she asked her barstool companion as she took another sip of beer. "Any lucky ladies in your life?"

Inuyasha chuckled mirthlessly. "Nah, not anymore."

Kagome arched a brow. "Dare I ask?"

"Not much to tell. Her career and ambitions drove a wedge between us, and she decided they were more important than me. Simple as that."

"Sounds high maintenance."

He grinned. "Something like that. I mean, she knew what she wanted and didn't care what stood in her way. Even me."

Kagome felt an ache beneath her breast for the man beside her. She knew the pain of rejection very well. "Put out in the rain just like a dog. Doesn't that bother you?" she asked, tilting her head.

He frowned at her choice of words, and Kagome knew she may have touched a nerve then, but the alcohol had stripped her of her filter apparently.

"Well, I guess we're all damaged somehow," he replied with a shrug.

She scrunched her nose. "That's a bit thoughtless."

"What can I say? Shit happens. Get over it."

And then Kagome suddenly remembered the arrogant, rude, condescending jerk she had met when she had sat down at the bar earlier in the night. She narrowed her eyes. "Why are you such an ass?"

Inuyasha smirked while bringing his beer to his lips. "You are what you eat?"

Kagome let loose a growl of frustration. She had only known him for a short time, but she had quickly learned that Inuyasha was the most infuriating human being on the planet! "Your immaturity is revolting," she stated matter-of-factly, waving down Kouga for another shot of whiskey. She was definitely not drunk enough to deal with the way the conversation had turned.

"I'm not known for my friendly disposition."

Kagome glared at the man sitting next to her. "Is it fun being a jerk to me? Does it satisfy you?"

Inuyasha chuckled. "Actually, it is pretty entertaining."

She rolled her eyes. "You know, Inuyasha. You can hide behind that fake bravado all you want, but I know you're just a big softie underneath."

"Keh," he grumbled, finishing off his beer.

Kagome threw him a glare. "What? No witty repartee?"

He set down his empty glass with a little more force than usual, grabbing Kagome's attention. "I know your type, wench," he snapped, his amber eyes boring into hers. "I know exactly the kind of person you are; all high and mighty, acting as if you're better than everyone else. You think you can show someone how great life can be and how fantastic it is if I would just try. Well, sorry to break it to you, sweetheart, but not everyone is worth saving, all right?"

His words left Kagome stunned into silence for a brief moment. How did their witty banter only a few minutes ago turn into this? This… This denied anger and unadulterated cynicism had Kagome reeling, her thoughts turning to what exactly had penetrated Inuyasha's life so completely that he had such a negative outlook on such.

She pursed her lips. "How much do you think you're worth?"

Inuyasha shrugged. "Like twenty bucks. Or two twinkies." He grinned at his own comment, but Kagome didn't find it very funny.

If anything, Kagome felt pity for him. No matter how bleak her life became, she always managed to find the good in it. If a person couldn't do that… Well, that was a pretty sad way to live. "As much as I would love to hear you divulge all of your secrets, this is a great song and I feel like dancing."

"Look, wench," Inuyasha barked out, his anger palpable. "I'm not looking for your validation. I'm pretty fucking happy with my life of dirty pennies and whiskey bottles. We don't all need to be Barbie."

She looked over at him, the low dim of the bar lights shining off his silver hair, and found she could only nurse one wounded heart at a time. "I just wanted you to leave tonight and think the world is a little less horrible than you thought."

"Hey, pretty lady," Kouga greeted as he appeared at the perfect time with another shot of whiskey for her and a full beer, stealing her full attention away from Inuyasha.

Kagome immediately downed the shot and chased it with her beer, ready to forget half of the night and lose herself in the music pounding through the speakers. As the evening wore on, the bar became busier, and the DJ had started up a round of tunes that had half the customers on the dance floor.

Kouga watched her curiously, arching a brow. "You alright there?"

"Dance with me?" she called over the bass pounding through the speakers. Oh yes, it was now the time of the night in which she had no qualms for asking for what she wanted.

He chuckled and glanced over at the other bartenders who appeared to have things under control. "You can steal me for a few minutes."

Kagome grinned and giggled like a school girl, leaving Inuyasha behind without delay. Kouga met her at the end of the bar and took her hand in his as she pulled him out onto the dance floor.

Some upbeat dance music blasted through the speakers. Kagome moved and swayed through the bodies crowding near the DJ, the vibrations of the music becoming part of her energy, raising her up several levels at once. Gone were her heartbroken wallows and the biting arrogance of her barstool companion. Her mind buzzed with pure joy. She moved in her dress like her hips were made to sway, the black sequins catching the disco ball that twirled above, causing her to glitter on the dance floor.

Kouga pulled her close, his strong hand pressed against the small of her back, his chiseled chest pressed against hers. She ran her fingers through her messy hair and pulled it to the side, feeling the beat of the music pound with each beat of her heart. Bodies pressed in tighter all around them. Kagome felt the part of her that was really her come out to play, to feel the vibe of the music and let her body go free.

"You're beautiful," Kouga's voice whispered in her ear, sending shivers down her spine.

His lips looked soft and very kissable, and Kagome knew her decision-making skills were indeed hindered by the alcohol that buzzed through her veins. And then his attention was caught by something else, his royal blue eyes pulling from hers to the outskirts of the dance floor. He said something to her, attempting to shout above the music, but his words were swallowed up by the electric beat that kept her entranced.

Kagome felt his hands slip from around her waist and he disappeared into the crowd. She didn't bother to follow, her hands playing with her hair, her hips moving to the music as she lost herself within it. This was what her heartbroken soul had fiercely needed; a night to forget all the troubles of the day.

Large, meaty hands found her waist, but they were unfamiliar and too warm to the touch. Kagome felt a warm flush find her cheeks as she gazed up to meet a stranger's hazy stare. He pulled her in close - too close - and even in her alcohol-ridden mind, she felt mild panic begin like sparks in her abdomen.

She tried to push him away, first gently and then forcefully, pretending to laugh at his behavior. "Thanks for the dance, but I need some fresh air."

"C'me on, baby," he slurred, pulling her tighter to his sweaty frame, his hot breath rolling over her skin. "We just met. Let's dance s'me more."

Kagome frowned. "I said no." Before she could stomp on his foot and fight her way out of the throng of dancers, the man was forcefully pulled away from her. They became separated by another man, one with very familiar silver hair who had his back to her. She didn't hear the words exchanged, but whatever was said was enough to send the man scampering off to the other side of the bar.

Inuyasha turned around, his piercing honey eyes studying her expression, before his hand gently wrapped around her waist. His grip on her wasn't strong like Kouga's, or possessive like the stranger. Inuyasha's hand was warm against the small of her back, and the anxiety she felt moments ago melted away.

"You okay?" he asked, swaying his hips in tune with hers as they continued to dance to the beat of the music.

She grinned up at him. "Were you worried about me, jerk?"

"Keh," he grumbled, his lips pulling into a smirk. "I despise you more than any other human I've ever had the displeasure of meeting. You're loud and wild and apparently have no sense of self-preservation. You also act like you have the mental capacity of a five year old."

"Are you flirting with me?" she barbed in return.

"Maybe."

His hand found the back of her neck, his fingers finding purchase in her hair, his hips grinding against hers. Warmth pooled into the pit of her stomach, his breath caressing her skin, and she moved her lips to find his.

Kagome barely had a moment to react before he pressed his tongue to the seam of her lips and delved inside her mouth. It was a very sloppy kiss with the strong scent of beer being exchanged between their billowing breaths. Her arm reached up and tangled around his strong neck. She pulled away and arched up into his broad chest, letting a moan escape in the contact of body heat against her own, before she drew back into his lips.

She could nearly taste the slight bitterness of the beer as it rolled off her tongue and seeped down her throat with every push of his tongue against hers. The kiss coupled with the beer and whiskey humming through her system obliterated every thought. For the first time that day, her mind was locked into the present. Her usual concerns for her life were suspended, and she had no wish for the kiss to end.

But as the music changed, they pulled apart. Inuyasha's skin shimmered with sweat and his amber eyes flecked with gold held her gaze. The beat of the music consumed them under the crazy neon lights, and Kagome felt alive during a night that was still so young.